It's been an interesting week...it was 1year ago (not by exact dates, but the 2nd Wednesday in June) that I took my nursing boards for the first time. That is one day I will never forget. 3hrs, 270 maximum number of questions, left the test in tears.
It was 1 year ago (again, 2nd Friday in June) that I found out that I didn't pass boards the 1st time around. THAT is for sure a feeling I'll never forget. Seeing that big FAIL next to my name and that horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. I was the girl nobody ever expected to have any kind of problems with boards...and I was the one out of the class who failed. I felt like I was NEVER going to be a nurse, that maybe this wasn't what I was supposed to do, that all my years of work and dreaming had come to just that...work and dreaming without ever achieving my goals. I never felt as worthless, stupid and ashamed in my life.
The next 45 days were the toughest ever, and I'm still not sure how I ever got through them! Well, actually, I do know. It was because of the awesome L&D nurses, especially J, who encouraged me and helped me see that I still WAS going to be a good nurse, and that even the best nurses sometimes have to try again. It was a rough but valuable lesson, and one I am SO thankful that I'll never have to attempt to re-learn. If I never see/hear/think about the word NCLEX again that will be OK with me!
So I made a better memory this year...I had my 100th baby AND I bought my first (NEW) car! That's a better way to remember the 2nd Friday in June :D