Wednesday, January 28, 2009

1st and Only Shift

So instead of 3 shifts this week...1 works just as well for me (though maybe not as good for my paycheck)! I felt 150% better, and survived the night fine, but it was crazy busy. Moved one recovery, blocked my 1cm prime and got chewed by a doctor for an order the previous nurse wrote wrong. I guess "labor epidural PRN" varies from doctor to doctor. I guess maybe I should have called to verify blocking my girl, but most other doctors would holler for double-checking such a standard order. Oh well, the girl went from 1cm-4cm in an hour after her block, so I felt justified. Then she stayed at 5cm for most of the night, then went to complete and was pushing when I left.

I delivered another gal who came in contracting on her own and delivered 3 hrs later. She SROM'd in the middle of her epidural, that was exciting, then pushed great and here was baby! All that after all I was going to do was "put her on the monitor." I should have learned that if you're the 1st one to walk into a patient's room, you better count on keeping her for awhile.

So now I have off 'till next week, I'm going out of town for the weekend to go visit some college buddies, and then cheering on the STEELERS in the Superbowl on Sunday. Yay Steelers!!!

Babies today: 1f
Babies total: 33M/30F = 63
Vag:24M/26F = 50
C/S: 9M4F = 13
Babies 'caught' = 1f

Monday, January 26, 2009


Called in sick again for work tonight, figured better to not risk it since walking down the hallway to get a drink wears me out. So I was scheduled for 3-in-a-row, and now it looks like I'll only be working the last 1 of them, then I was already scheduled for 7 days off. I feel like a slacker, but I knew there was NO way I could keep up tonight, and I'm still running a low-grade fever. I know everyone gets sick, but I can't remember the last time that I really got hit with something. I really, really, really hate being sick! I think it's my "controlling" personality coming out, 'cuz being sick isn't something I can control.

So I've been in bed all day, I am bored out of my mind but don't have the energy to do much besides lay here. I really hope I get some kind of energy back by tomorrow night, I am DETERMINED to work at least one of my shifts this week!

TMI...Just A Warning

The only thing worse than going to work when you don't feel good is going to work, getting nauseous, having to rush out of a patients room to puke and then coming home and puking all night.

I've been in bed all weekend and hadn't really thought it was anything more than a sinus infection. I never felt sick to my stomach, never felt anything more than just stuffed up with a sore throat. But as soon as I got to work...uh-oh. At least I just had a cervidil that was supposed to come in at 2000, so I seriously sat in a chair, drank 2 full water bottles and tried to focus really hard to get my nausea to go away. Seriously, I can take a stuffed nose and a sore throat, but if there's one thing that bothers me about being sick it's puking. I hate it with a P-A-S-S-I-O-N.

So luckily they were able to call someone else in and I feel like a horrible person because I left her with lots of things not done. I had a triage that I hadn't had a chance to chart on, and hadn't called the doc yet, and the cervidil was in the bathroom changing, wasn't even hooked up to a monitor, and didn't have a stitch of pre-admit paperwork done. And the ER floodgates were opening. I feel like a horrible team player and a horrible co-worker!

I thought I'd come home and feel fine and then feel dumb for leaving, but I've puked 3 times since I've been home and can totally empathize with those mom's in labor who can't eat anything but ice chips. My mouth is so dry, and all I want to do is chug about 5 glasses of water, but I know it will come right back up.

Of course this was supposed to be my first of 3-in-a-row, so we'll see if I go back tonight. I don't know how long I should wait to make that call, but if I don't feel like a totally new person in 12 hours, I'm calling in sick.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

You know you need a break from work when...

*I took 2 Advil this morning and the first thought that crossed my mind was "I need to remember to chart this!" Sheesh...

Friday, January 23, 2009

Mag Special

I don't think there is ever gonna be a shift where I don't do something I've never done before. Last night it was actually "starting" someone on mag, with the 4gram bolus and then the 2gram/hr thing. I've heard too many stories about people forgetting to change the pump rate after the 4grams in 15minutes when they hang the "big bag" and send their patients up to ICU because of respiratory failure, so I was a little nervous. The awesome day shift nurse helped me roll the patient out of the OR and get everything straightened out and the mag started and the paperwork organized and stuff before she left.

So I had a fresh section on mag and the patient wasn't one of those who I would call "stoic", actually quite the opposite. This was about her 7th admission in the last 2-3 months of her pregnancy for various things, but when she got hit with the PIH she got hit hard and really was sick, so even though she was only 33wks it was a good thing to get her delivered. Baby looked great for 33 weeks too.

So even though it was just her all night for me, she was a little intense and my hourly mag checks would turn into a full 20-30minute "can I get you anything else" and "I can't give you anything else for pain" and "yes, your epidural is still running, and you've maxed it out for the next hour already" but the next time I'd walk in she'd be asleep. I think she was feeling better towards morning, she wasn't moaning everytime I touched her. I know that mag is awful stuff, heaven help me never have to experience it from the other side!

I know she's gonna feel like a different person after it's been off for a few hours, and hopefully she'll get to feeling better from the C/S soon too. I went to work Wednesday night feeling like I was seriously getting sick and last night wasn't much better. I swear I drank so much water I was in the bathroom like every 2 minutes. I have 2 days off, so if I'm gonna be sick I need to be sick and well again by Sunday night so I can work 3 more in a row, then enjoy a nice long stretch off :) Happy weekend everyone!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

2 out of 3

MUCH better than Tuesday night :) I had a gal who was on Mag for pretty bad PIH. 24-hr urine, then cervidil, then pit...and she was finally complete. She also could barely open her eyes or talk to us b/c of the mag. So the mag got turned off, we labored her down for about an hour, then we pushed for about an hour and a half and had a baby. Poor girl, I really wasn't convinced that she was gonna be able to push a baby out because she was pretty out of it, but she did awesome, and the last half hour or so she actually was 1/2 way on the same planet we were on. I guess that would be the way to do it, be half out of it during the hardest part then come back to reality right before delivery.

She and her husband were really sweet. She was pretty alert the rest of the night, even after we turned the mag back on post-delivery and said several times how she thought it was funny how we had kept asking her to "open her eyes and talk". She said she could hear us, but just couldn't connect...a true out of body experience! She said "boy, doctors sure aren't in here much. You do all the hard work and they are in-and-out." If she only knew how true she was, but most of the time that's OK with everyone involved: the nurses want doctors there for delivery but want them out of the way the rest of the time, and doctors don't want to sit around and wait for a patient to delivery, but they want to catch that baby! Works great for us. Most of our docs are really, really, really good and come when we say come, so that's really awesome too.

We didn't have a laborist on last night, so we were crossing our fingers nothing too crazy happened...our one excitement was the lady who came in through ED with a "UTI" and was actually 34wks pregnant. Seriously? How do you get 34wks pregnant and not know it? That seems just a little odd to me. Her strip looked like poop, so the on-call doc came in and they sectioned her. Thick mec, of course. The umbilical cord was seriously about as thick as my pinky, I've never seen such a scrawny cord. Drawing cord pH's was quite the adventure.

So good night, good group of nurses. Some of us even had a chance to go and explore the new ICU expansion that's going to open in a few weeks. Maybe soon we can explore a new OB expansion! My feet are still getting used to these Dansko shoes, but after the doc missed the bag with a clot after my delivery and soaked his mesh tennis shoes, I'll be keeping my closed toe/fluid proof shoes...thanks!

Babies today: 1f
Babies total: 33M/29F = 62
Vag:24M/25F = 49
C/S: 9M4F = 13
Babies 'caught' = 1f

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Only The 1st of 3?

When at 1915 I wondered out loud if it really was only "7:15?" I knew it was gonna be a long night. My poor, sweet patient didn't speak english, but everyone was expecting her to deliver since she was 7cm at 1830. Well after 3 hours of pushing + vacuum, she delivered at 0240. I just got my new Dansko's yesterday, and wore them for the first time last night. After seriously being on my feet for all 12 hours, my feet are a little sore...those are high arch supports! But, I think they'll feel better tonight.

Anyway, it was just a rough night all around. Everyone seemed to come in a little on eggshells, they closed down our parking garage and turned it into "visitors/doctor" parking (so now I'm gonna have to scrape frost in the morning!). I realized AGAIN, what a difference working with "team players" can make and the importance of having SOMEONE open for triage. I pray that the new unit that we're working on has a triage/antepartum unit...and that I don't have to work it! Ha!'s over, everyone's still breathing, and I hope that everyone from night shift is at home and at least thinking about bed soon. Back for tonight and tomorrow. I'm taking brownies tonight, after last night, I think we ALL deserve it!

Babies today: 1f
Babies total: 33M/28F = 61
Vag:24M/24F = 48
C/S: 9M4F = 13
Babies 'caught' = 1f

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Mag and a Vacuum

Ask me why I'm blogging at 0430 am on Saturday morning and the answer is simple...I CAN'T SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT ANYMORE TO SAVE MY LIFE! I'm wondering if it would be better to just not sleep when I get home from work and stay up until the next night so I can sleep, but I don't think I could do that. I'm so exhausted on my nights off anyway that I sit down and fall asleep at like 8 or 9 and then sleep wake up bright eyed and bushy-tailed at 5am (or 130 this morning...). This isn't cool anymore!

Anyway, so I worked Thursday night. I'm slowly moving things from my "never seen/done" list to my "I've at least seen it/done it once" list. Thursday I added my own personal mag/pit delivery and my first vacuum delivery to my "once" list. It was a little overwhelming at shift change 'cuz she was hurting and puking, etc. But I always seem to get overwhelmed at shift change, so once I sucked in a couple deep breaths and took it one step at a time I finally got it done. I didn't catch up on charting/paperwork 'till about 3 hours after delivery, but after that the night was quiet. I think I did almost everything I was supposed to too, and not only did it, but charted it! Yippee!

The vacuum was interesting, poor kidd-o had a nice little cone head and a bruise, but his strip looked like poop with not much variability and variables with every contraction, and Mom wasn't the most effective pusher in the world, so he got a little help.

I got the first C/S ready in the morning too...started the IV on the first attempt and it WASN'T IN THE HAND! IV"s aren't always my best friend and they leave me more frustrated than vag exams did. I always go for the hand 'cuz I can SEE the veins and that's the only way I can seem to have any chance of a good stick. All the "veteran" nurses gripe about it and tell me how it's a major "pet peeve" of theirs to put an IV in the hand and all the reasons why you should put an IV anywhere but the hand. But I count myself lucky to get it started in the hand most of the time. Anyway, this C/S patient had nothing on her hands except really deep, tiny veins, but I felt (what I hoped was a vein) on the side of her arm, so I just went for it. And it worked beautifully! Yea for me!

I got the sweetest card and pictures from the family of that horrible fetal demise from a few weeks ago that I took care of. It was about to make me cry when I opened it at work. The pictures are some that the professional people came in and took that night, and they are perfect. I know it's a little morbid when you really think that you're looking at pictures of a dead baby, but he looks so perfect and sweet and you can't tell the difference at all. The card is really sweet too. It blows me away that they are still going through the grief process, and yet they took time to send me a Thank You for being there for them. Wow. Amazing.

So I'm off 'till Tuesday night! Going to see Rascal Flatts tonight!!!! Those two things combined make for a great long weekend!

Babies today: 1m
Babies total: 33M/27F = 60
Vag:24M/23F = 47
C/S: 9M4F = 13
Babies 'caught' = 1f

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

What Day Is It?

Work 2 1 2 1 1 night, and I'm supposed to remember what DAY it is? I think not. I just finished the 2nd set of 2 nights working, am going to sleep my one day off, and then am back tomorrow night.

I've done pretty good I thought. I did one vag delivery of a poor gal that had been there for 2 weeks with PPROM and her fluid finally got pretty low and shew as >36wks so they induced her. She said I was the nurse at the top of her list when she realized she was going to deliver on the night shift. I don't know if she was just saying that, but it made me feel really good! Nice delivery just about an hour into my shift too :) As I'm just starting her recovery (hadn't even left the room yet...) I got a page that my cervidil was in her room and waiting for me. I didn't know I was going to be doing a cervidil! Oh well. It just took me a few minutes to settle myself down, get her on the monitor, check her, page the wrong doc twice before realizing that it was a different doctor on call, and get her cervidil in. Ok, so the cervidil got put in about 2200...oops.

Got the cervidil settled, finished my recovery, and sat for a second, then a ROL came in who changed, got a block and was 8-9 when I gave her to J before I left. That was OK with me, because while I was fighting BP's of 70s/40s after her block, the rest of the world was coming in as triages. When the night shift ran for their lives at 0730 there was not one clean room, a C/S ready to go and a few inductions waiting in the lobby for some empty rooms. Holy cow!

The board looked a little better when I got back last night. I ended up doing the C/S on my cervidil from the night before because she had some massive fibroids and didn't ever get past 5cm. I felt bad for her :( After my C/S recovery I did a triage or two, and was happy to leave at 10 after 7.

That's 2 deliveries in 2 nights, not bad, not bad! Now I'm going to sleep, and then work again tomorrow. Then I'm going to the Rascal Flatts concert Saturday night! I'm pretty pumped about it...honestly I can't wait! And I THINK today is Wednesday (but I'm not 100% sure about that...).

Babies today: 2m
Babies total: 32M/27F = 59
Vag:23M/23F = 46
C/S: 9M4F = 13
Babies 'caught' = 1f

Monday, January 12, 2009

What Alarm Clock?

This waking up at 5am after 4 hours of sleep is really getting old really fast...grrrrr. Maybe if the vivid nightmares about decels and other L&D disasters would go away I could quit trying to force myself to wake up to make them go away!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Happy wth Antes

I really never thought I would never complain about an ante assignment...but tonight I didn't mind! I had 3 patients all night, but they all slept and I didn't break any of them, so that was ok by me. It made the night go a little slow, but after we had a 38week unknown IUFD walk in and deliver in 30 minutes it was a good thing there was a nurse to help take care of paperwork, etc. So I did a big part of my 2nd DIU in a short period of time. I hate those!

This one was really sad, she had been to the office early in the week, had good heart tones and then tonight there just weren't any. When the baby came out it was pretty obvious that he had been dead for several days just from how he looked. I really wonder if it's sunk in yet. Mom and Dad were making phone calls and seemed so unaffected by it. I don't think I saw either of them cry. I would have lost control. I worry about them when they get home. I know some people just don't show grief, or don't show it outwardly as much, but how can something like losing your first, maybe only child not shake you up a little more?

I get one night off, then back for two more. What a crummy schedule, but maybe I'll get some on-call hours one of those nights. Hmmm...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

My Feet Hurt

I think I need new shoes. My feet and legs are seriously killing me. They ache and just hurt! Maybe it's because I didn't really sit down for 12hrs, but I think new shoes are a big part of it. Anybody have any suggestions for some real "nursing shoes" vs tennis shoes? Where to get them, brands that you recommend and how much I can expect to pay for them?

Anyway, good shift back after a blessed 4 days off. I didn't get called at all to come in extra since last Sunday, and that's a good thing, I needed a break. I walked into what seemed like a cluster at 1830 last night, with a hurting IDDM whose sugars were dropping and of course it was shift change. Brother...but after her sugars got better and she didn't hurt so bad, she relaxed a little bit. I felt bad for her, first time mom, don't think she really had any idea what labor was really gonna be like and was hurting pretty bad and not changing. One of the first things she said to me was "they're like a 9/10. And I try to avoid all pain." Ok. Once someone told her that it was OK to get an epidural and that it didn't mean that she was a baby or not strong, she was more than happy to get one. I think a lot of women come in and think that if they have pain medicine or don't hurt during labor than they're not a very good mom, or a wus, or a wimp or they didn't really "do it." I feel bad for women who come in with that idea. We don't give out gold stars at kindergarten graduation to mom's who didn't have any pain meds in labor. It's your labor, so I'll help you do whatever you want. But if all you're going to remember from it is how bad you hurt and how hard it was that makes me sad. I want you to be able to look back and remember good things from it too.

Anyway, I felt bad b/c the kid started looking not-so-hot, and mom didn't change her cervix in 3 hours with more than adequate contractions, so off to a C/S we go. That's 2 c/s in a week for me, and I've survived both of them! That makes me happy, 'cuz I was nervous for a while that I'd forgotten how to do one. I remembered to shave BEFORE we got back to the OR this time. Yea for me! Kid ended up in the NICU b/c of sugar problems, not surprising.

I did 2 more triages and really was on my feet most of the shift. Now I'm more than happy to go to bed and sleep before I go back tonight. Hopefully I'll sleep better than I did yesterday...Any shoe suggestions would be gladly welcome! :)

Babies today: 1f
Babies total: 30M/26F = 57
Vag:22M/23F = 45
C/S: 8M4F = 12
Babies 'caught' = 1f

Monday, January 5, 2009

115 Hours in 2 Weeks...

115hrs at work in 2 weeks is a few too many I think...but I'm excited to see my paycheck this weekend! 2 full shifts of holiday pay for Christmas night and New Years night, plus all the time-and-a-half pay for extra shifts! Bye-bye school loans...or a least a chunk of them!

I wanted deliveries, and I got them! 3 deliveries in 2 shifts is pretty good for a night nurse, let alone me! So I was happy. I went in a hour early for one of the day nurses last night, so I took over a labor and she delivered close to 0100, so moved her out about 0300, did one triage and saw the first day nurse walk in and I clocked out at 0640 and headed home! Thank goodness I have 4 days off now, I think I need them, just to take some breaths and sleep through some nights (ya right) and be ready to go back and not feel like I'm dying.

I got to play with my baby from last night that caused me all the problems. He is SO cute! He sure doesn't look big enough to break his mommy's tailbone! I guess he'll be hardheaded his whole life! I went to go see Mom and Dad too before it got crazy and they were both so appreciative of my help last night. Every time someone tells me I was an "awesome nurse" I have to step back and think about it. All I could think about was how scared I was of their kid's strip and how fast my heart was beating every time his heart rate dropped. All they remember is that I helped get their baby here. Talk about a different perspective...

I put on my first scalp lead tonight...too bad I didn't have the guts to do it last night when I really needed one. I had just a tad bit of trouble tonight putting it on, but I figured it was just because I didn't know what I was doing. Then when the kid came out she had a TON of hair and we had to untangle the scalp lead from her wonder it wouldn't stick for me! Ha! I helped do a fetal fibronectin, so next time I can do that on my own.

Actually, even though I've worked a ton, I don't feel that bad. I feel like I've learned a lot, done a lot, and really feel like I'm doing what I was always meant to do. I was thinking about that walking back from moving my recovery this morning, that I'm really doing what I've always wanted to do. Ya I have scary moments, and then I have moments where I totally love what I do. That is a good feeling.

No more posts 'till Friday...*hopefully!* Have a good week!

Babies today: 1f
Babies total: 30M/26F = 56
Vag:22M/23F = 45
C/S: 8M3F = 11
Babies 'caught' = 1f

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Too Much Work

I must have a really, really sensitive conscious. They called me tonight while I was walking through the mall and said they were desperate for help again. I told them no because I've worked every night but Wednesday this week...but then about 20minutes later I called them back and they still hadn't found anybody, so I went in...and just got home about 0830. I'm pooped...

Yesterday when I was wishing for babies...I got 2 of them last night. I took a SROM that had been there all afternoon who was still 2-3, she was doing great, I liked them, we were bonding...then another SROM came in and I ended up taking her back for a section partly out of her choice (she was "thinking" about a VBAC...) and partly because baby looked like poop. So I handed out my first patient to her 4th nurse of the day and took the new SROM to the OR. I circulated her section, then they called another nurse in and she came in just as the doc was closing the skin. So she finished the recovery for me, and I went back out to my "original" patient.

I got her a block, laid her back, everything was peachy...then baby takes a nose dive, then I can't trace baby again, I'm starting to sweat, I flipped her one way, the other, the kid's still diving with every contraction. I swear I hate the sound of decels! I finally grabbed the charge nurse and she put on a scalp lead for me. I've never done a scalp lead, and the time to learn is not when I can't think straight anyway. This in the middle of 3 other nurses delivering. My kid's still diving with the contractions, the pit's off, I call the doc and she says "watch it and fluid bolus her". Ok. She's on F4 at this time...

Anyway, a very LONG story short, the kid never did look real good again. The pit stayed off, we ended up turning her epidural off because her BP wouldn't stay up and I think that had something to do with how unhappy baby was. I was never happy with the strip, but the doc refused to come 'till she was complete. So I called her when she was complete and I figured she'd push the kid right out, but it took her a good hour to push it out. By the time she was in the middle of pushing the epidural was really starting to wear off, so it was a little more intense delivery than anyone was thinking it was going to be. She got a dose of fentanyl about 5 minutes before delivery...I hope she can walk by noon! Her pelvis was kinda funny and it took the kid forever to fit under the bone. I felt really bad when we heard a snap when the head did pop out and the end of Mom's tailbone broke! Ouch... Anyway, so that was 0700...and I was WAY behind on charting on my LOVELY heart tones! Oh well...I'm only back for my 7th shift in 8 days tonight. Sleepy time!

Babies today: 2m
Babies total: 30M/25F = 55
Vag:22M/22F = 44
C/S: 8M3F = 11
Babies 'caught' = 1f

Saturday, January 3, 2009


6hrs Sunday night, 12 hours Monday night, 12 hours Tuesday night, NO hours Wednesday night, 12 hours Thursday night, 3 hours Friday night after a desperate phone call for help. I am so ready for ONE night off before I go back to work! Really, I love my job, I just feel like I have lived at this hospital this week!

I'm kinda getting in a mood for a delivery too. I haven't done a delivery since I caught my baby, and that was the only delivery that I've done off of orientation. I've had ante's ALL week, and just cervidil's before that. I'm starting to worry that I'll forget how to do a vag or a C/S delivery pretty soon!

I broke the complete previa girl last night who hadn't bled since several days before Christmas and she bled a little last night. Poor girl, she called me and you could tell she was scared out of her mind. It's wasn't a big gush, but there was definitely blood on the pad. I don't know what they'll do or how long they'll watch her. I guess it depends if she does it again or not.

I only slept about 4 hours this afternoon because I knew I wouldn't sleep tonight if I slept a lot. So I got up and went to the gym then we had some stuff going on tonight at they called me about 2130 begging for some help. All I'd thought about all afternoon was going back to bed, but instead I went and worked 'till 0100. I was expecting to stay all night from the way it sounded, but I think it was just lots of triage with the stomach flu that's going around. So once everyone got discharged after hydration I think the nurses just needed a chance to chart and catch their breath. I helped move a couple recoveries over and do a couple fundal checks but nothing too wild and crazy. All that for time and a half! :) I'm looking forward to my next pay check with 2 holiday shifts, a weekend and several chunks of time and a half!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

One Night Off

Ok, my one night off, and it's gonna be after 0200 before I'm in bed! What is wrong with me? I could have fallen asleep the moment I got home from the gym about 2000, but now I'm going strong! Right after midnight everyone else headed to bed, I organized my CD's, cleaned up my room, and now I'm trying to convince myself that I'm sleepy and need to go to bed!

This is my first night off since Saturday night, and it seems like it's been a long week! Maybe it's because one of those shifts was extra and I know that I still have one to go this week. But they've been good shifts, and I haven't completely broken any patients yet, so I keep going back to try again...haha!

It seems like this week between Christmas and New Years we have triaged the entire pregnant population of the surrounding 250 miles! It's been one person in after another! I think I did 3 or 4 admissions/discharges myself last night! It strikes me as slightly humorus when a 23wkr comes in and says "this is the last thing I was in here for last week and the week before." Um...if it's the same thing, and no thing's changed since the last time we sent you home, why did you come back? Is it our wonderful valet service or something?

Just some triage tips for mom's who think you're in labor/water broke, etc...,
#1: call your doctor. Then they aren't mad when we call them and wake them up over something they didn't know anything about
#2: you will save yourself about 2 hours if you come straight to OB instead of going in through the ER...they won't do anything to you down there, but you'll have to wait in line for the triage nurse before they'll realize that you're pregnant and call us to come get you anyway

Last night I got to "assist" with an "urget" C/S on a 35wkr. When she came in late in the afternoon they didn't think she was in labor, she was just cramping. Well then she was 3, then she was 5, then she was 6, then 7, then got an epidural, then 8, then SROM'd and baby dumped. When the nurse checked her she was complete...and it wasn't a head in the pelvis. The nurse said she grabbed a handful of scrotum. Nothing like that to give you a 2nd wind at 0400! So C/S for a breech baby who was really cute :) But at least now I've seen how a C/S happens quick! Takes a FEW of my nerves away, but not all of them.

Happy New Year everyone! If 2009 is anywhere as life changing as 2008...I'm buckling my seat belt!